The Resonance Model

Relationships move. We can learn to see how.

The model begins with a perspective meeting something beyond it, then follows what becomes possible—or difficult—as the relationship changes.

The model at a glance

Two relational regions. Two kinds of movement.

The Resonance Model begins with Me and Not Me—the perspective I inhabit and whatever I am in relationship with. It helps us notice where we are, how the relationship is changing, and what may become possible next.

Select an element to see how the relationship changes.

The frame

Me and Not Me

Every relationship begins with the perspective I inhabit meeting something beyond it. Not Me might be a partner, child, sibling, friend, team, boss, community, institution, faith, challenging idea, or even another part of myself.

Around every interaction

The conditions shape the movement.

The subject matters. So do the resources available in the moment, the history carried by this particular relationship, and what each person expects will happen next.

Relational Capacity

Can I navigate this well right now?

Relational Capacity is the amount of internal and interpersonal resource a person has available, in a given moment, to remain present, regulated, curious, and constructive in relationship—especially under pressure.

Relational competence is what you are capable of. Relational capacity is how much of that capability you can access right now.

Physiological capacity
Emotional capacity
Cognitive capacity
Psychological capacity
Relational skill capacity

Current load also matters. Stress, grief, caregiving, conflict elsewhere, deadlines, and unresolved demands can reduce how much capacity is available in this moment.

Resonance Reservoir

What history are we carrying?

The Resonance Reservoir is the relationship-specific accumulation of trust, connection, reliability, vulnerability, joy, successful repair, disappointment, betrayal, unresolved hurt, and repeated disconnection.

It is not a single positive or negative score. A relationship can carry trust and unresolved pain at the same time.

Resonance Expectancy

What do I believe is likely today?

Resonance Expectancy is the anticipated likelihood that meaningful connection or successful engagement is possible in this particular interaction.

It is influenced by the reservoir but is not the same thing. Context, recent events, current capacity, and cues from the other person also shape expectancy.

Look beyond appearance

Visible behaviour tells only part of the story.

Visible calm, politeness, or agreement does not always mean that an interaction is mutually regulated. A person may be masking, appeasing, suppressing a response, or using capacity rapidly in ways that others cannot see. Reading a relationship requires curiosity about experience, not assumptions based only on observable behaviour.

Understanding across neurotypes is relational and mutual. Any neurodivergent lens developed from this model must include people with relevant lived and professional experience.

Questions to carry

What is moving here?

What can I bring right now?
What are we carrying?
What do I expect will happen?
What choice becomes possible with a little more regulation or clarity?

Experience the model with others Explore a contextual lens